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	Friends, Family, and First Efforts DON'T MIX!
	by Susan Molthop

Revised August 3, 2007

If you're just starting out as a writer, you might want to show your work to your best friend, mother, brother, or son, to get a little feedback, before sending it to a total stranger. Your reasoning seems sound - someone who loves you will be more gentle. WRONG (unless you're still a kid).

Every member of my writing group has had her feelings hurt because she gave her writing to someone in her family to read. In one case, the reader got her feelings hurt, because she thought one of the characters was based on her, and the comparison wasn't flattering. In another case, the reader ripped the piece to shreds, and told the writer how to do it "right" (this person had never written a word of prose in her life). Most of the time, the family member never read (or pretended he/she never read) the piece. In the meantime, the writer sat by the phone or mailbox for days/weeks/months, waiting for encouraging words that would never come.

From the other side - imagine how you'd feel if someone you loved cornered you to review a creative effort, if you didn't want to, didn't know how, and had no graceful way to get out of it.

If you're serious about writing as a profession, you must treat it as a business. You wouldn't ask your friends or relatives to go to work or school for you, so don't expect them to edit your writing, either.

There are exceptions, of course. If someone you know is a professional writer, editor, or publisher, and sincerely volunteers, that's different. Take all the help you can get!

What can the rest of us do?

Take a writing class.

Find other beginning writers, teachers, or mentors to critique our writing.

When we think we're good enough, enter a writing contest (where they promise a reading and feedback) or submit a short story or article to a suitable market.

Submit to non-paying markets for the experience.

Finally, let our friends and relatives read your writing AFTER it's been published.

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